i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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