I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
