I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
