So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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