I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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