you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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