Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
