drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
