She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
