You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
