i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
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