I think my fart just growled at me.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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