just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Houston, we have a squirter
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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