I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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