Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
