I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
