he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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