If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
