did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's always time for handjobs
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
