i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
