she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
