Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
