Those balls look pretty dangerous.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
