No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
