I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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