you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
