Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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