It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
