i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
