his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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