OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
