She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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