Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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