Soap is not a condiment
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
