sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ๐๐
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Yโall did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.๐
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
