I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
