why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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