I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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