did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
