How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
