Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
