How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
