Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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