When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
