Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
