O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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