i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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