We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
