I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
