Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I woke up under a house in Key West
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
