the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
