my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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