Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
