My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
